Healing Sexual Imbalances in the Body: A Holistic Approach
Updated: Oct 3
Healing Sexual Imbalances in the Body: A Holistic Approach
Sexual energy is a powerful part of the human experience. When it feels balanced, it can contribute to vitality, creativity, intimacy, connection and a deeper relationship with ourselves.
But sexual energy can also feel out of balance.
For some people, it may feel intense, urgent, frustrated or difficult to contain. For others, sexual energy may feel blocked, suppressed, disconnected or difficult to access. And within relationships, two people may experience very different levels of sexual desire at different times.
Learning how to work consciously with sexual energy—rather than suppressing it, judging it or automatically acting upon it—can become an important part of emotional and spiritual healing.
This is one of the subjects I explore in my book, The Heart Alive: Moving from the Sex Center to the Heart Center.
When Sexual Energy Feels Overwhelming
Imagine lying beside someone you love and passionately desiring them, but the timing isn't right for sexual connection.
Your partner may be tired, emotionally unavailable in that moment, processing something internally or simply not interested in being sexual.
Strong feelings can arise.
You may experience sexual frustration, longing, rejection, inadequacy, anger, sadness, loneliness or obsessive thoughts about why your partner doesn't want what you want.
Instead of projecting that energy toward your partner, pressuring them to change their mind or interpreting their boundary as evidence that something is wrong with you, there is another possibility:
You can go inward.
You can witness what is happening in your body.
You can breathe.
You can feel the sexual energy without immediately needing to act upon it.
And you can become curious about what else might be underneath the desire.
Sometimes desire is simply desire.
At other times, sexual energy may be intertwined with longing for love, reassurance, connection, validation, comfort, emotional release or the desire to feel wanted.
Learning to recognize the difference can become a profound practice of self-awareness.
Working With Sexual Energy Through the Body
Sexual energy does not necessarily need to be discharged immediately.
Through breath, meditation, somatic awareness and energy practices, you can learn to remain present with the sensations moving through your body.
Rather than thinking:
I need my partner to make this feeling go away,
you can begin asking:
What is happening inside me right now?
Where do I feel the energy?
What happens when I breathe into it?
Is there another emotion underneath it?
Does the energy want movement?
Does it want stillness?
Does it want expression?
Does it want tenderness?
This is where sexual energy can become part of a larger journey of embodiment and emotional healing.
Sexual Energy, Desire and Boundaries
Working with sexual imbalance also means learning to honor the boundaries of another person.
Your desire matters.
Your partner's boundary matters.
Both can be true at the same time.
If your partner does not want sexual contact, you can still allow yourself to feel your desire without making them responsible for resolving it.
And if both partners desire another form of connection, intimacy doesn't necessarily have to disappear because sex isn't happening.
You might choose to:
lie beside one another
hug
cuddle
hold hands
meditate together
practice Reiki
offer affectionate touch
give or receive a non-sexual massage
talk honestly about what each of you is experiencing
The important distinction is that these practices should not become disguised pathways toward sex.
If your partner agrees to cuddle, they have agreed to cuddle.
If they agree to massage, they have agreed to massage.
Allowing affectionate touch to exist without an expectation of sexual escalation can create tremendous emotional safety within a relationship.
Practices for Healing Sexual Imbalances Within Yourself
There are several practices I use and teach for becoming more conscious of sexual energy and the emotions that may accompany it.
Deep Mindfulness Breathing
Mindful breathing involves bringing your attention to each inhale and exhale without immediately judging or trying to change your experience.
When sexual desire or frustration feels intense, notice it.
Where does it live in your body?
Can you breathe while allowing the sensation to exist?
Instead of projecting the energy outward, allow yourself to experience it internally.
You do not have to eliminate your desire.
The practice is learning that you can feel sexual energy without automatically needing to act upon it.
Deep Belly Breathing
Deep belly breathing, or diaphragmatic breathing, brings attention lower into the body.
Place a hand gently on your abdomen. Allow your belly to expand as you inhale and soften as you exhale.
As the breath becomes slower, notice what happens to the sexual energy.
You may begin noticing emotions underneath the physical charge—sadness, longing, frustration, vulnerability, loneliness or a desire for closeness.
You may also simply experience the energy becoming calmer and easier to hold.
Hugging Yourself and Self-Holding
Wrap your arms around yourself or place your hands over your heart, abdomen or another part of your body that feels comforting.
Self-holding can become a practice of reassurance:
I can remain with myself while I feel this.
You are learning to offer yourself tenderness rather than requiring another person to regulate every uncomfortable feeling for you.
Self-Reiki
For those who practice Reiki, self-Reiki can be another beautiful way to work with sexual and emotional energy.
Place your hands where your body naturally guides you and allow yourself to slow down.
Rather than trying to force the sexual energy away, bring compassionate awareness to it.
What happens when sexual energy is met with stillness, breath and loving attention?
Practices Partners Can Explore Together
When both people consent, a partner can also provide loving support while maintaining their own sexual boundaries.
Reiki
Reiki can offer connection without requiring sexual contact.
If one partner is experiencing strong desire while the other wants to remain non-sexual, Reiki can create an opportunity for caring presence while maintaining a clear boundary.
The person experiencing desire can breathe, receive and notice what happens internally without expecting the Reiki to lead somewhere else.
Somatic Dialogue
Somatic dialogue involves talking about what you notice in your body rather than immediately arguing about what should happen.
One partner might say:
“I'm noticing a lot of longing and frustration in my body.”
The other might respond:
“I love you and want to be close, but my body needs rest tonight.”
Neither person's experience needs to be wrong.
When feelings can be communicated without blame, they often become easier to understand and process.
Cuddling
Non-sexual affection can be deeply nurturing.
Cuddling may allow a person experiencing strong sexual energy to also experience love, comfort and connection.
But cuddling becomes emotionally safer when both people know that it does not automatically create an obligation for sexual activity.
That safety can actually deepen trust.
Massage
A caring, non-sexual massage can help the body relax and create another form of loving connection.
Again, boundaries matter.
Receiving massage does not mean agreeing to sexual contact afterward.
When touch can exist without pressure or expectation, the body may begin learning a different relationship with intimacy—one grounded in trust, presence and choice.
When Sexual Energy Is Blocked or Difficult to Access
Sexual imbalance does not always mean having too much sexual energy.
Some people experience the opposite.
They may feel disconnected from their sexuality, numb, guarded, uninterested in touch or unable to access the vitality they once experienced.
Stress, grief, relationship conflict, trauma, exhaustion, hormonal changes, physical health and emotional disconnection can all affect sexual desire.
The answer is not necessarily to force yourself to become more sexual.
Sometimes the healing begins by restoring a relationship with your body first.
Breathing.
Resting.
Moving.
Meditating.
Receiving safe touch when desired.
Learning what your boundaries actually are.
Reconnecting with pleasure in ways that have nothing to do with sexual performance.
The goal is not to create some predetermined amount of sexual desire.
It is to develop a healthier and more conscious relationship with your own body and energy.
Moving From the Sex Center to the Heart Center
This is at the heart of what I mean by moving from the sex center to the heart center.
It does not mean rejecting sexuality.
It does not mean suppressing sexual desire.
And it does not mean that sexuality is somehow less spiritual than the heart.
It means allowing sexual energy to become part of a larger experience of ourselves.
Rather than allowing desire to become only about release, conquest, validation or getting another person to fulfill a need, we can become curious about what happens when we breathe with that energy.
Can desire coexist with patience?
Can arousal coexist with a boundary?
Can passion coexist with tenderness?
Can sexual energy move alongside grief, vulnerability, love and emotional truth?
Can we remain connected to our hearts while our bodies are experiencing intense sensation?
For me, this is where Tantra becomes much deeper than sexuality.
It becomes a practice of consciousness.
Healing Sexual Imbalances Through Love and Awareness
Healing sexual imbalance isn't about becoming less sexual or more sexual.
It is about developing greater awareness and choice.
For one person, healing may involve learning how to contain and consciously work with powerful sexual energy.
For another, it may mean slowly reconnecting with a body that has shut down.
For a couple, it may mean learning how to remain loving and connected when their levels of desire are different.
And sometimes it means discovering the emotions, attachment wounds or relationship patterns that have become intertwined with sexuality.
This work can include Breathwork, Meditation, Reiki, somatic awareness, Tantra, conscious communication, emotional regulation and heart-centered relationship practices.
The intention is not to suppress our humanity.
It is to become more conscious within it.
The Heart Alive: Moving From the Sex Center to the Heart Center
I explore this subject much more deeply in my book, The Heart Alive: Moving from the Sex Center to the Heart Center.
The book grew from my own exploration of sexual energy, Tantra, emotional healing, relationships and what happens when we begin bringing sexual energy into greater relationship with the heart.
These teachings also inform the relationship and intimacy work offered through Love as Medicine, including couples experiences, workshops, Tantra, Breathwork, attachment and intimacy healing, and other heart-centered practices.
For individualized private holistic healing sessions, visit Asttarte Deva Healing Wellness Center.
These practices are complementary and educational and are not substitutes for medical care, psychotherapy, sex therapy or licensed mental-health treatment. Persistent changes in sexual function or desire can also have medical causes and may warrant evaluation by an appropriate healthcare professional.
With love,
Asttarte
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