Many people talk about sex during the dating phase. They talk about sex during times of freshness, renewal and liberation. But, what people don't talk about is how to restore their sex life back to what it was when they first got together. They may complain how its not the same. They may talk about how it became boring and are looking for ways to escape, find stress release. They may even talk about their new so-called Beloved (affair) that has taken their attention from their everyday stress, because they are now filled with excitement and passion again. However, what people don't talk about is how to remove the barriers that are in the way between couples so they feel their love again. They don't talk about staying with their husband or wife, and bringing the passion back. Most people assume it is not possible. Most people conclude that the easy solution is to find someone new. However, if there truly is love present in your marriage, then running to an escape is not really what you want.
But, how does one accomplish this task of feeling love for their partner again, and feel satisfied, filled with joy and pleasure, and experience bliss from being with the one they've been with for years already.
In Landmark, they may talking about getting complete with things from the past. Being direct, honest in your communication and share fears, resentments, disappointments, upsets, and so on in a bold, direct and loving way so you can move forward to creating new things in the future. And as a graduate of Landmark, I will say this reaps tons of rewards in doing this work. However, after having graduating 12 years ago, I will say, Yes, do that work, but Don't Stop there! The next step is go deeper into ones core. Get to the bottom of what might be going on. Who in the relationship has been struggling with letting go of something from the past? Who in the relationship had severe trauma as a child? Who grew up learning love the wrong way? Who grew up spoiled and always expected the other person to do everything for them? The list goes on. However, we are each others mirrors, and without having done the deep core work, your partner will always live in the unknown of what is going on with you. And communications that really need to happen, will be stuffed and forgotten. The relationship may have already fallen apart by this point.
There may be severe addiction going on that was a learned or acquired behavior to deal with things growing up, or as one got a little older. There may be trauma still trapped in the body. When you are in a relationship as important as a marriage, it is crucial to be your partners best friend and help then through these trapped memories, these trapped feelings, and the trapped patterns that are keeping them stuck. However, you can't do all the work. Both parties need to be responsible and accountable.
Having Straight Conversations with Your Partner
How does one have a straight conversation with your partner when the topic is very sensitive? This is where Couples Coaching comes in. Talking to your partner about something you may be afraid to bring up, or you may fear how they respond takes baby steps. Bold conversations isn't for the timid or fearful. However, in order to move through the fear, one must communicate the feelings that are there. You may be surprised how powerful you feel after the conversation is over.
Be Direct with What You Need (making requests that aren't always comfortable)
Be Straight About Something that you like or Don't Like (If you like something tell your partner. They may not know it, and it may make them feel really good to know something they do pleases you. If you don't like something, be straight about it. They certainly wouldn't want to keep doing something that hurts you, triggers you, or upsets you in some way. If they love you, they'll be thrilled to know they can change something and you'll feel so much better for it).
If you're in Pain, you have body aches, pains, or your energy is blocked and not flowing, tell them. Your partner may be thrilled to have a chance to put his/her hands on you to help you feel good. (This is where I come in to help you as a couple to work on each other. I, and my partner if you like, can help assist you and your partner to release pain, trapped energy, and repressed energy that is keeping you stuck).
What If You Don't Know Why the Sex Isn't Happening
This is the time, to look deeper. Its a time to meditate, consult advice, talk to a therapist, go to a 12 step meeting, or even call me. I am here for you as you need. Just send me a text first, and we'll schedule a phone call. If you're serious about healing, and truly want things to improve, I'm here.