Updated: Mar 13, 2021
There are many foods for thought on what makes a relationship last, what makes it click. However, from my own personal experience, there is one major key ingredient that outweighs everything else. You must become someone your partner respects, honors, appreciates, adores, and in all honesty, surrenders to you. In other words, be his Domme, be his Coach, and be someone so powerful that he (or she) won't take No for an answer. This doesn't have to be just sexual in nature. We will get to the sexual piece later. However ladies, you must be the woman that your partner fell in love with, and be the one your partner surrenders to.
In the beginning of the relationship is when you lay the groundwork. If your partner doesn't surrender to you then, its very possible that he is not someone who is capable of surrendering. You can take the plunge and do the dirty work of demanding he surrender, with a loving hit so it lands with kindness. I like to call this tough love, strong but firm, firm but gentle, and so on. However, he must be willing to learn how to surrender. Learning how to surrender for anyone, but men in particular isn't something that comes easy, and most often isn't even something they are willing to do. So you as their Goddess, and the woman who knows what she wants must take control. This alone is the start of your relationship turning into a healthy and powerful dance of giving and receiving, dancing with domination and submission. And, on the subtle level, as in conversations that need to happen, your likes and dislikes, your wants and needs, your boundaries and what you are open to, and knowing when a break needs to happen, or when to do a spiritual practice alone or together (this is another big topic I will discuss throughout this site).
What Happens if Your Partner Wants to be the Dominant One?
If your partner wants you to be submissive all the time and isn't willing to surrender to you, this will eventually lead to a power struggle and put you in a position of feeling like a small little girl under the guidance of her mom or dad and feel like a victim. It will make you feel powerless, helpless, and always looking for approval from her partner. It will eventually take you into a path of fear, self-hatred, insecurity, passivity, and you will feel hopelessly trapped. This is when women often get into the mind frame that they are in an abusive relationship. However, when their male counterparts know that his woman is in control, and won't be messed with, dominated, or forced into submission, this is when he can then feel a level of respect, love and appreciation for her. If he always is the dominant one, then yes, this can be framed an abusive relationship (Unless you want him to be that way of course).
What is Dancing with Domination and Submission?
Your partner needs to know they can depend on you, they can rely on you, that you will take charge if something ever happens to them, and that you are powerful. If they had reversed roles and became the Dominant one for a while, perhaps because you were going through some emotional healing process, or grieving the death of someone very important to you, then its ok that he became Dominant. And, when you are ready, the time will come for you to take charge and take back your power again. This is part of the dance of domination and submission.
However, if your partner truly is incapable of being submissive with you, never wants to be vulnerable, and truly can't accept letting someone else be in charge and be a leader...ever, this is a sign of a narcissist, and you are best to get out of the relationship as quickly as you got in it. Some men I like to call "Transformed Narcissists", and they at least have a willingness to be wrong, a willingness to let someone else take charge for a while, or they have some areas they are willing to be vulnerable. For the more evolved narcissists who have done years of therapy, healing or recovery work, they can handle when you step up and take control. But for those who haven't done their deep inner work, most likely, what you see is what you get and they will never be willing to give up control.
So let's get back to the ones who are worth your time, and are worth staying in the relationship for. If you are worth being empowered as a woman, and your partner is worth staying for the long haul, then it's time to take a stand and do the work it takes to get to YOU. You don't get to experience feeling empowered without doing the work it takes to make it happen. Let's get started and take your first step, or revisit where you left off.
What Makes It (your Relationship) Last are many crucial components we've covered here. However, the key ingredient, is you, the woman, as a Goddess, to be a Goddess. You may save a lot of time and therapy if you just shift your mindset to taking charge of your relationship; the sacred intimate exchange between you and another person. This alone will bring your empowerment back to life. You can certainly feel empowered being single, and we will start with you, however, sharing your life with someone has so many more rewards, AND you can do it with confidence that no matter what you say, or do, your loved one will come crawling back in your arms.